From the director:
Please prepare one of the monologues below for auditions being held May 17 and 18.
The Addams Family Female Audition Monologues
WEDNESDAY: This dinner has to go OK. Oh, Pugsley – ever since I met him, I wanna laugh and cry and everything seems right and wrong at the same time and then sometimes I just want to rip his flesh off and eat him up until there’s nothing left.
MORTICIA (PICK ONE): Now close your eyes or the monster won’t come out and eat you up. Pugsley? Pugsley? (MORITICA sees that OUGLSEY is fast asleep.) Sleep well, my little vermin. Your mommy’s life has fallenapart and she needs to go away for a while. And, years from now, whenyour marriage collapses and you want to know who put us all on the road to hell, you can thank your father. (to the monster under the bed) Look after my baby, will you? Keep him in harm’s way.
MORTICIA (PICK ONE): And look at the thanks I get. I gave up my dreams for the sake of this family. I wanted to travel. I wanted to see Paris! I never saw the sewers of Paris! And now it’ll never happen! So that’s how it ends... alone and forgotten in a tiny room, living on cat food and broken dreams – that’swhat happens to mothers. Look at yours. She came for the weekend, the weeks turned into months, it’s twelve years later and she’s still up there: deceived. Deluded. Smoking weed in the attic.
GRANDMA: Well, stop the damn texting and pick up a book once in a while. Now, quit whining about your sister. Start thinking aboutyou and how you’re gonna live your life. Time, my dear, is a thief. She’ll steal your soul and flee on little fairy wings. And stay outta my shit or I’ll rip your leg off and bury it in the back yard. I love you.
ALICE: Remember how it used to be, Mal? How we’d look at each other and leave the restaurant in the middle of dinner and rush home and go upstairs; and sometimes we couldn’t even wait and you’d just pull the car over to the side of the – Oh lighten up, Lucas. Parents do it. Live with it. Remember, Mal? When we were crazy and the future didn’t exist? What happened Mal? The guy with the Grateful Dead T- shirt? Is he ever coming back? How long do I have to wait?
The Addams Family Male Audition Monologues
LUCAS: I work after school at the bookstore. And on weekends I tutor kids at a charter school. And summers I work at my uncle’s grocery store. Though, mostly I think about Wednesday and how much I love her and how we could have a wonderful life together. However, I think I would like to be a writer. Or a medical examiner. Yes, a medical examiner because you get to look at the inside of people’s bodies and they don’t mind because they’re dead.
GOMEZ:(deep inhale) Aaaahh... The intoxicating smell of our graveyard. Once a year, we gather beneath our Family Tree, to honor the great cycle of life and death. Come, every member of our clan –living, dead – and undecided – and let us celebrate what it is to be an Addams. Come to me, my luscious wife – oh she of skin so pale, eyes so black, and dress cut down to Venezuela – and tell us what it is every Addams hopes for!
FESTER: So who is this Lucas fella? Is he worthy of her? Do they really love each other? What is love anyway? Does this rash look serious to you? So many questions about love. But when you think about it, is there anything more important? (to the Audience) That’s right. Little Wednesday Addams – that charming, irrepressible bundle of malic who would poison her own brother just for a ride in the ambulance – has grown up and found love.
MAL: Ok Addams, I tried. I thought OK, the kids like each other, let’s give it a shot. But you people are insane. You got a house where there shouldn’t be a house, a zombie for a butler, and a man who’s dating the moon – We’re simple people, Mister Addams. We’re not used to your “sophisticated New York Life- style.” So with your permission, we’re gonna go back to the realAmerica. Full disclosure. Lucas, help your mother off the table.
PUGSLEY [PLEASE READ AS A MONLOGUE]: Yes! Now, with a dash of potion my sister blows her cool. Hopefully, in slow-motion. She’ll drop. She’ll drool. One sip of acrimonium and then she will change. Boy, oh boy, her full disclosure’s gonna be strange!